Only 12 days till it all begins. It is the calm before the storm, and I cant help but to reflect on what brought me to this reality. My dreams are now my actuality, and it is a humbling feeling. What once started as a faint whisper has now turned into an unstoppable roar. It has been a long journey to reach this point in my life. And in all honesty, I wasn't sure if I would ever make it.
It has been three year since I was started on corticosteroid treatment and had to withdraw from Texas A&M University. My moon face is long gone now, and its hard to look at me and imagine that I was actually the person that existed during that nightmare. It all seems like a foggy, haze of a memory. After countless doctors and medications, it seemed my dream of going to optometry school was nothing but that: a dream.
Following my graduation from A&M, I settled my hopes for encouraging the next generation to embrace a love for science. Becoming a teacher was nothing like I imagined. It was grueling, unrelenting, and the students were less than forgiving to say the least. But at the same time it was the most rewarding experience I have ever had in my life. Working with learning disabled students in a low income setting was challenging. I was constantly forced to find a creative way to show them that it was possible for them to reach for their dreams. The more I preached, the more I asked myself, "Why did you stop reaching for your dreams?" Why is it okay for me to settle and yet I expect more from those around me?
Fear. I wasn't afraid that I wouldnt be able to learn the material. I knew I was capable of anything academically as long as I set my mind to. No, it was something much more complicated than that. I was scared that I would get sick again. Afraid that the next time it happened, the symptoms would escalate into something much worse than before. But how was I to continue to encourage others without following my own advice. I felt like a hypocrite. I pride myself on striving for authenticity. Was I going to allow a "what if" to dictate my life?
Deciding to take on the challenge of optometry school was no easy feat. I didn't want to look back one day, bitter with resent of never finishing what I started. Reading through the thought process of my past, I discovered my re-admission essay to Texas A&M University. It was a time in my life when I was determined to overcome anything that stood in my way. I admired this voice. It resonated courage and fearlessness:
"I still struggle on a daily basis with my auto-immune diseases. Sometimes, I have to force myself to take a step back and relax; I just can’t push myself like I did in the past. I am determined to get back into school and finish my degree in biomedical sciences. I still hope to be able to enter into Optometry School. Though my future is unclear, there is one thing I know for sure: There is no way I am going to let any disease take over my life."
I am proud of my decision to take the first step. Though I know I am just beginning this adventure, I can already tell it is the path I was meant to follow. Now, I can visit my students and show them that it is possible to conquer, overcome, and succeed.
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